Awake
by beyond the rainbow
Summary: Quinn Fabray just wants to be loved.  But she also has a lot of secrets.  In her senior year will she finally come to terms with herself and find happiness?  Faberry fan fic.
1. Chapter 1

"You have got to be kidding me, Berry. There's no way I'm singing this song with you."

"Don't be such a snob Quinn. It's a good song."

"It's a love song!"

"Well maybe if you had bothered to show up for any of my planned rehearsals this week then you would have had a say in it. But you decided to ditch them and now we have an hour to rehearse before we're due to perform in Glee club."

Quinn crossed her arms, glaring across the piano at the short brunette she had been partnered up with against her will for this duet project. "I am not singing a love song with you. Everybody will think we're lesbians. In case you haven't noticed, I'm straight."

Rachel's eyes softened and she moved around the piano towards Quinn. "You need to worry less about your reputation. Glee club knows you're…straight." She paused, looked away, then composed herself and returned her gaze to Quinn. "And if other people hear about it and assume things, who cares? They're not worth your time, Quinn. You're better than all of them."

Now Quinn was the one to look away, her arms still crossed as some unreadable emotion crossed over her face. Finally she shook her head and looked back at Rachel. "I-…you're wrong, Rachel. You're better than all of them. And you're going to get out of this town and…and take New York by storm. But I'm not. I'm stuck here and this…this is all I have. I can't lose this just because you want to sing some song that, while you may think it's amazing, will only start rumors and cause problems."

Rachel was quiet for a long time, unusual for her, as she studied Quinn. "We have about forty-five minutes. What do you have in mind?"

After about twenty minutes of discussion, and scrolling through Rachel's iPod, Quinn came across a song from yet another musical. This one, however, caught her eye thanks to the title.

"What about this one?" She asked, turning the iPod towards Rachel, who was flicking through sheet music.

"Who Will Love Me As I Am? It's a great song Quinn, but not entirely appropriate for us. I mean, it's sung by two Siamese twins who-"

"Appropriate? Rachel, you once sang a love song with our teacher and you just tried to sing one with me. I hardly think appropriate is a problem with you."

Rachel paused, taken aback. "Right. Well, I…I don't know if it will work with your voice though." She was thrown off my Quinn's sudden take-charge attitude, given she seemed to not care at all when they first received this assignment.

Quinn, however, had been struck by the song's title. And, while she may refuse to let herself truly think about love and the reasons she wasn't sure she would ever find it, a song might help. Especially if she was the only one who…really knew what she meant when she was singing.

"Look, let's just give it a try, all right? Just once? If it's no good I'll let you choose, all right?"

Rachel raised her eyebrows, still surprised. "All right, fine. Sure." She agreed slowly. She flipped through the pages in front of her until she found the sheet music for the song. "Let's give this a try then."

Half an hour later Glee was starting and, while Rachel still didn't think it was perfect, they had settled on that duet. Rachel still wasn't sure why she had agreed. Maybe she just hadn't wanted to argue, maybe it was something about the lyrics and the way she felt about the song. Or maybe it was that look in Quinn's eyes when she asked to sing the song.

The two girls took their places at the front of the room. Rachel glanced over at Quinn as the music began to play, then looked away from her as she began to sing.

"Like a fish plucked from the ocean  
>Tossed into a foreign stream<br>Always knew that I was different  
>Often fled into a dream<br>I ignored the raging current  
>Right against the tide I swam<br>But I floated with the question  
>Who will love me as I am?"<p>

Quinn picked up the next verse. Rachel still wasn't sure how well suited her voice was for the song, but Quinn had been determined. So, with a few adjustments, they made it work. And maybe it was worth it, because Quinn's voice was beautiful as it sang the words.

"Like an odd exotic creature  
>On display inside a zoo<br>Hearing children asking questions  
>Makes me ask some questions too<br>Could we bend the laws of nature?  
>Could a lion love a lamb?<br>Who could see beyond this surface?  
>Who will love me as I am?"<p>

Maybe they were changing the song's meaning, but that didn't make the pain in Quinn's eyes any less real. She only caught a glimpse, though, before Quinn looked away from her. Maybe she didn't want Rachel reading everything her gaze held.

"Who will ever call to say I love you?  
>Send me flowers or a telegram?<br>Who could proudly stand beside me?  
>Who will love me as I am?"<p>

Rachel turned away from Quinn, losing herself in the words of the song, but Quinn wouldn't let herself steal a glance. She couldn't. She hadn't wanted to sing with Rachel in the first place, to worried about what she might let show. There was a reason she hadn't sung with her—willingly—since their duet last year. It was…dangerous.

They finished the song and took their seats to the sound of applause.

Whatever, Quinn told herself. At least she was done with Rachel for good now.


	2. Chapter 2

"Quinn, can I talk to you?"

Quinn stopped halfway to the door, tempted to ignore Rachel, to walk out and just leave her there.

But she didn't, turning around to face her as the rest of the kids left the choir room, leaving them alone. "What do you want to talk to me for? Isn't Finn waiting for you or something?"

"No, he's…going out with some guys from the football team." Rachel answered.

"Yeah? Well you'd better be careful with him. He doesn't really know what he wants, so he changes his mind all the time. He did it to me. He's done it to you. Hold on to him or he'll just do it again."

Rachel frowned. "No, Finn loves me. He won't leave me again. Not after what happened in New York."

"Rachel, he dumped me at a funeral, using Coach Sylvester's eulogy as a reason. He yelled at me when he didn't think I was upset, and then when I did get upset he said sorry and told me he still loved me. He broke up with you for cheating, but he's cheated too. He cheated on me with you. More than once. He convinced me to cheat on Sam with him. More than once. The only time he doesn't like cheating is when someone else cheats on him. He's not this perfect person you think he is. He's flawed and, frankly, kind of an idiot."

"Quinn, I didn't ask you to talk so we could talk about Finn." Rachel protested, sighing.

"Just let me finish. Look, you're going off to New York after graduation. What are you going to do with him? Leave him here? He's not going to go with you. Will you be willing to leave him? Or will your ridiculous idea of this 'meant to be' love keep you here, with him? Face it, Rachel, he's dragging you down. When he's in your life he's all you think about. You have all these dreams, and yet your world seems to only be about him when you're together. You're obsessed with him. And you're so much better than that, Rachel."

Rachel stared at Quinn, shocked. She was pretty sure Quinn had never spoken so much to her in her life. Except maybe last year in the theatre, when they'd had than gone-wrong meeting to write a song. "I don't…that's not true."

"Last year you told Finn you wanted to be the only thing that made him happy."

"I was…insecure. And how do you know about that?"

"He told me. And I know you're insecure when it comes to him. You asked me to ask him out last year, remember? Just to see if he'd say yes and break up with you to be with me."

"Yeah, I remember. But we've changed since then. Grown."

"What? When you got together because of an unprofessional kiss on stage that ruined Nationals for the rest of us?"

"You sound like Jesse." Rachel pointed out calmly. "Besides, you have no facts to back up that that's why we lost at Nationals. After all, we wrote and choreographed the songs…what? The night before? Come on. Look, I'm as disappointed as anyone that we lost, but you can't blame Finn and I."

"The Rachel Berry I know wouldn't ruin a performance for anything." Quinn said stubbornly.

Rachel looked away. "Why do you even care?"

That actually made Quinn pause. Why did she care? Where was all of this even coming from? She had no idea what had spurred this sudden rant at Rachel. She didn't even know she paid that much attention to her.

"I don't. It's just fair warning about Finn. I don't want to have to deal with you when he breaks your heart again. And I'd like to actually win at Nationals this year."

Rachel sighed. "Look, none of this is why I wanted to talk to you."

Quinn rolled her eyes, now just wanting to be out of here. She should have just left and never stopped to talk to Rachel at all. "Let's just get this over with."

"I just…I noticed you looked really upset earlier. I know you're lonely, Quinn. But you have to know you're not alone. You have all of us in the Glee club here for you. And look at Kurt. Last year he thought he'd never find anybody, and now he and Blaine are together, and he's so happy!"

"What are you talking about? Who says I'm lonely?" Quinn snapped, suddenly defensive.

"Nobody. I just noticed. You didn't rejoin the Cheerios with Santana and Brittany, you never eat lunch with them or the rest of us anymore. You-"

"Maybe you should spend a little time on your own business, Berry. And I'm nothing like Kurt, okay? I'm focusing on other things right now. My grades, getting good scholarships for college. Unlike you, I don't always need to have a boyfriend to be happy."

"That's fine, Quinn. But you're cutting yourself off from everybody, even your friends. It's not healthy."

"Don't preach to me. Just…don't. Are we done here?"

"I- …Quinn."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. I have studying to do. Go home, Berry." Without another word, Quinn turned and left the room, leaving Rachel alone in the choir room.


End file.
